Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
