dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
