Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
