New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
