I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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