Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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