Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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