You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
