I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
