Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
