my vag is so smooth its legendary
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
