Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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