Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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