If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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