your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
