At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
