he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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