Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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