I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cockslap morals
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
