i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
