and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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