if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
