using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
