is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
