just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My breasts were aching with rage.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
