The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
