kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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