i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
