her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How does it feel to date your dad?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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