I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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