I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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