im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
