we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize