i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
