He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your penis caused this!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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