I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
try to milk me bitch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
