Kiss
Puke
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
