he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
