Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
