i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
