DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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