I just saw a hot homeless man
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
