I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
