Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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