Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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