Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
