when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
