you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
