I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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