It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
