worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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