it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
