I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
