is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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