hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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