We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
