I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
