if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
